Students' Essays | Malapropisms

In Non Campus Mentis Professor Anders Henkiksson shares with us some of the more enlightened writings of students, gathered over the years from tests and homework.

Prehistory, a subject mainly studied by anthroapologists, was prior to the year 1500. When animals were not available the people ate nuts and barrys. Social division of labour began when a tribe would split into hunters and togetherers. Crow Magnum Man had a special infinity for this. Advances were most common during the inter-galactic period.

Prehistoric people spent all day banging rocks together so that they could find something to eat. This was the Stoned Age.

Plato invented reality. He was teacher to Horris Tottle, author of "The Republicans." Lust was a must for the Epicureans. Others were the Vegetarians and the Synthetics, who said "If you can't play with it, why bother?"

During the Middle Ages everyone was middle aged. People lived in or near the soil. Most were kept busy sewing the crops. Surfs were dentured and bonded to the ground. In times of crisis, the serfs would seek refuse in the lord's castle.

Monks were assigned to monkeries, where they were suppose to live as nuns. Many, however, simply preyed by day and played by night. Fryers were required to take a vow of pottery. If you disagreed with the church you were accused of hear say and treated to excommunication. An important example of this was the Catheter movement in southern France.

Ferdinand and Isabella conquered Granola, a part of Spain now known as Mexico and the Gulf States.

Henry Bourbon married Edict of Nantes and became King of France with the promise to reconstipate the country to Catholicism. The German Emperor's lower passage was blocked by the French. Not surprisingly, the English demanded special dissipation from the Pope.

An example of the importance of women during the industrial revolution was the work of Spinning Jenny, a young girl forced to work more than 40 hours a day.

Telephones were not available --- communication went by mouth to mouth or telegram. The Interstate Highway System was built soon after the Civil War. The Trans-Siberian Railroad connected Europe to California. Urban mass transet included subways and electric tramps. The airplane was invented and first flown by the Marx brothers.

Another man to influence the state and others was Karl Marx, who advanced his theory of dialectical maternalism. His ideas about revolution, condos, and supermen intrigued many. According to Marx the stages of history are canabalism, slavery, fuedalism, capitalism, and back to canabalism. These are the moods of production.

Austria fought the Snerbs. The allies versed the Turks. The British used mostly Aztec troops to fight at Gallipoli. Italy joined the allies and this was useful because of their common border with Australia.

Lennon ruled in Russia. He was first zar of the Soviet Union. Eventually he started the NOPE (No Economic Plan) to encourage the peasants. When he died the USSR was run by a five man triumpherate---Stalin, Lenin, Trotsky, Menshevik, and Buchanan.

The Germans took the by-pass around France's Marginal Line. This was known as the Blintz Krieg. The French huddled up and threw sneers at the Germans. Japan boomed Pearl Harbor, the main U.S. base in southern California. American sailors watched in shock as the sky filled with Japanese zebras.

Stalin, Rosevelt, Churchill, and Truman were known as "The Big Three."

Hitler, who had become depressed for some reason, crawled under Berlin. Here he had his wife Evita put to sleep, and then shot himself in the bonker.

Yugoslavia's Toto became a non-eventualist communist. Hochise Min mounted the power curve in Viet Nam. Korea became a peninsula. Chairman Moo tried to forclothes all outside ideas in China.

One major source of conflict since World War II has been Israel's relations with the Parisians. The Carter administration found itself face to face with this problem during the so-called Iran Hostess Crisis.

It is now the age of now. This concept grinds our critical, seething minds to a halt.