Spam
Poems
Poems
Don't ask why, but amid the endless junk e-mail that arrives at our box, there also comes sets of random, elegant words --- 60, 80, sometimes more than 100 of them. The urported senders have the usual misty internet suck-you-in names --- Patricia Phillips, Tom Harrison, Linda Rodgers, Beverly Johnson, Jerome Bowling.Mostly, these words form a random sequence of nouns, adjectives, and adverbs, sprinkled with occasional verbs. We would guess that it's a magic sequence designed to brainwash spam filters into letting the doubtful messages to get through, although, sometimes, the words arrive with no offers of penis enlargement, low interest rates, millions and millions of dollars from Kenya, and good times with titty milk, whatever that might be.
Even though the words appear, line after line, with no apparent rhyme or reason, it recently occurred to us that, if handled right, we might find some rhyme here. So what we have done here is to take the words in the order in which they arrived, inserted a few prepositions and indefinite articles, changed some nouns into verbs and verbs into nouns, added punctuation and parsing, and, voila! --- out come the ten poems below.
* * *
The Dowry Snore
In the canyons the fall adler ignore the Bible;
Meanwhile, atypic meaningful Coulter
Steadily hits Pinsky with a dowry snore.
Nearby, there's a compass cannonball factory
Packed full of shaken kerosene
Which abuts the boca bow network.
Some time ago corruption was banefully there
Even though Blade Mildew ignored
The osmosis of the Dnieper;
He was apparently credulous with desuetude
As the result of some Australite gimmick.The Getty Bebops All the miniature anion abstractors
Broaden their minds with Getty bebops
Using enforcible homophobia
While the bondsman Harrison Dodo
And his friend "Burdensome Exponential" Ripley
Make another empiric cabal.
Don't be fooled. It's an inborn plan
Followed by the admission of pacemakers,
Which are made somewhat forlorn by
Pious Annette's constricting charisma.Jejune Balls
A bunt of jejune balls is adrift in guanine convoys;
We can then encourage ballet-ingenious ashmen out of the hocus
Along with immobility-class Boniface Sauerkraut who claims that
Phyla incur flusters, but deserve dumb bravos.Ham McCoy He's a shill, a scientific egan who discomfits colorimeters.
With his pal Ham McCoy and their adjacent quietus
They inspire ding domes made up of glyceride chards.Cowpunch Tulsa
Once we had a medium commercial torrid cheese
For breakfast in the yesteryear.
Only a recriminatory sonata
Could ameliorate the shock,
Because there in auto cowpunch Tulsa
We found her angling
The cost suspect.
I tell you, there was
A welcome dualism there.
In this bungle, we found
Many devoted confederacy canaries
To deify the catcalls. I apologize:
Although they thus loosened
A blameworthy ardency,
They also embedded a hasty gibberish gallantry,
Which made it possible to erode
Their biggest creditor. Aye!Finicky Bacchus
Following her epidemiologically ambitious
Concentric if not epistolatory immediacy
(An excursion of her presence, we believe)
She found finicky Bacchus
Up to here in his geochemistry grain,
Emblazoned against an inducible cohosh
Which was offset by a malarial calebe.
Using dilatory Roy Eldercape, we were able
To leave foolhardy Djakarta and,
Taking Agnes in her shrift,
Were oblivious to the compulsion
Of her anxious cacophonist.Doneck Bump
In compellable equilibrium and predisposition,
Luger congregates like McCarthy Savonarola,
Whom he likens to his darling.
Meanwhile, as a flipflop,
Slogging Tinder Montague
Sups on cumin and bladdernut,
While the abhorred traveler Doneck Bump
Vaunts "Handstand Posterior" Reese with deceit.Our Ashmolean Departure
Our ashmolean departure took homogeneous Houghton along an audible road,
And provided Cindy with several dirty eclogues,
Her scuba of proprietary Buddhism was, thus, filled with
Espousal forget. Amid rustproof discipline,
The immigrant crankshaft Camelot guided the lutanist
Gap Boo into Domenico Ellwood's approximable dielectric.Bernard and his Crucible Saltbush
A Gilchrist Euclidean who was thought to be sacrosanct
Left Hughes Boson to constellate with Bernard and his crucible saltbush.
We brandished our centerpiece in a screed of hematite
Along with the dubious ensemble directed by Esther Contumacy.
She had, they said, found creosote cactus fodder
In the boxy inescapable
Carolingian birdseed.A Crucial Dictionary Pizzeria
No one can allay flax when it's a hundredfold despoiling
The corbel curry bellhop. In nature's dandy amatory
They revealed a crucial dictionary pizzeria
With which he combatted clairvoyant counsels.
Finally, the hierarchal catenate called
Kelsey Mossy Arachnid
Managed to emulsify Afghanistan.The Cezanne Refrigerate
The Cezanne Refrigerate blanches
Yet plods with an offbeat plea.
The hibachi in which we have secreted all the hurty fowls
Becomes detached. Meanwhile the ailanthus
Was employed by a chronograph cyclotron
(Complete with collateral checkbooks) to register
Our dismal, eutectic, epicurean florentines, all filled with latitudinary cyanamids.A Magenta Eardrum
A magenta eardrum symbolised our Aberdeen Adventure:
We were intoxicated with hacienda reprimands,
Which flowed from the celanese ammeter section.
At the same time, a frozen funereal chastity aerogramme
Brought permanent pompeiis with all their flippant monkeys.
None of the contextual Barringtons
Told Sam Copeland the counterman to indemnify us.
There were many ellipsical catcalls.
Finally, the Blum they called "Hun"
Reprimanded us because he thought he was
Incurring inconsiderate envelopesThe Illicit Anastasia Clitoris The illicit Anastasia Clitoris proved to be
A proficient signature receptor.
She admitted she had been introjecting
The frigid prescriptive steers (severalfold)
Into a stinkpot.
With the wherewithal to turn dogfish leatherwork
Into a sepia analytic seed,
"Slam" Rater, the Rutherford Tartary
Found talking loudspeak with Bengal Chantey
Created an edible Sperry, a clitoris cobyproduct.
He then tickled the switchgear slowly,
Showing the appropriate pretext: hubris.
Meanwhile, atypic meaningful Coulter
Steadily hits Pinsky with a dowry snore.
Nearby, there's a compass cannonball factory
Packed full of shaken kerosene
Which abuts the boca bow network.
Some time ago corruption was banefully there
Even though Blade Mildew ignored
The osmosis of the Dnieper;
He was apparently credulous with desuetude
As the result of some Australite gimmick.
Broaden their minds with Getty bebops
Using enforcible homophobia
While the bondsman Harrison Dodo
And his friend "Burdensome Exponential" Ripley
Make another empiric cabal.
Don't be fooled. It's an inborn plan
Followed by the admission of pacemakers,
Which are made somewhat forlorn by
Pious Annette's constricting charisma.
We can then encourage ballet-ingenious ashmen out of the hocus
Along with immobility-class Boniface Sauerkraut who claims that
Phyla incur flusters, but deserve dumb bravos.
With his pal Ham McCoy and their adjacent quietus
They inspire ding domes made up of glyceride chards.
For breakfast in the yesteryear.
Only a recriminatory sonata
Could ameliorate the shock,
Because there in auto cowpunch Tulsa
We found her angling
The cost suspect.
I tell you, there was
A welcome dualism there.
In this bungle, we found
Many devoted confederacy canaries
To deify the catcalls. I apologize:
Although they thus loosened
A blameworthy ardency,
They also embedded a hasty gibberish gallantry,
Which made it possible to erode
Their biggest creditor. Aye!
Concentric if not epistolatory immediacy
(An excursion of her presence, we believe)
She found finicky Bacchus
Up to here in his geochemistry grain,
Emblazoned against an inducible cohosh
Which was offset by a malarial calebe.
Using dilatory Roy Eldercape, we were able
To leave foolhardy Djakarta and,
Taking Agnes in her shrift,
Were oblivious to the compulsion
Of her anxious cacophonist.
Luger congregates like McCarthy Savonarola,
Whom he likens to his darling.
Meanwhile, as a flipflop,
Slogging Tinder Montague
Sups on cumin and bladdernut,
While the abhorred traveler Doneck Bump
Vaunts "Handstand Posterior" Reese with deceit.
And provided Cindy with several dirty eclogues,
Her scuba of proprietary Buddhism was, thus, filled with
Espousal forget. Amid rustproof discipline,
The immigrant crankshaft Camelot guided the lutanist
Gap Boo into Domenico Ellwood's approximable dielectric.
Left Hughes Boson to constellate with Bernard and his crucible saltbush.
We brandished our centerpiece in a screed of hematite
Along with the dubious ensemble directed by Esther Contumacy.
She had, they said, found creosote cactus fodder
In the boxy inescapable
Carolingian birdseed.
The corbel curry bellhop. In nature's dandy amatory
They revealed a crucial dictionary pizzeria
With which he combatted clairvoyant counsels.
Finally, the hierarchal catenate called
Kelsey Mossy Arachnid
Managed to emulsify Afghanistan.
Yet plods with an offbeat plea.
The hibachi in which we have secreted all the hurty fowls
Becomes detached. Meanwhile the ailanthus
Was employed by a chronograph cyclotron
(Complete with collateral checkbooks) to register
Our dismal, eutectic, epicurean florentines, all filled with latitudinary cyanamids.
We were intoxicated with hacienda reprimands,
Which flowed from the celanese ammeter section.
At the same time, a frozen funereal chastity aerogramme
Brought permanent pompeiis with all their flippant monkeys.
None of the contextual Barringtons
Told Sam Copeland the counterman to indemnify us.
There were many ellipsical catcalls.
Finally, the Blum they called "Hun"
Reprimanded us because he thought he was
Incurring inconsiderate envelopes
A proficient signature receptor.
She admitted she had been introjecting
The frigid prescriptive steers (severalfold)
Into a stinkpot.
With the wherewithal to turn dogfish leatherwork
Into a sepia analytic seed,
"Slam" Rater, the Rutherford Tartary
Found talking loudspeak with Bengal Chantey
Created an edible Sperry, a clitoris cobyproduct.
He then tickled the switchgear slowly,
Showing the appropriate pretext: hubris.
--- A. W. Allworthy