Citibank and
The Dead

My Aunt died this past January. CitiBank billed her for February and March for the monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, and was now somewhere around $60.00

I placed a call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe you should turn it over to collections."

CitiBank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CitiBank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau ... maybe both."

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

CitiBank: "Excuse me?"

Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you ... the part about her being dead?"

CitiBank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

[Supervisor gets on the phone.]

Me: "I'm calling to tell you, my aunt died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

CitiBank: "Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew."

CitiBank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure."

[Fax number is given. After they get the fax]:

CitiBank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."

Me: "Oh..."

CitiBank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well ... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her ... I suppose ... don't really think she will care...."

CitiBank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "Would you like her new billing address?"

CitiBank: "That might help."

Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery [Address and plot number given.]

CitiBank: "Sir, that's a cemetery."

Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

--- Edw. W. Morbidis