You Can't Chop Your Mama Up in Massachusetts

Yesterday in old Fall River, Mr. Andrew Borden died
And they got his daughter Lizzie on a charge of homicide,
Some folks say she didn't do it, and others say of course she did
But they all agree Miss Lizzie B. was a problem kind of kid.

'Cause you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts.
Not even if it's planned as a surprise.
No, you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts.
You know how neighbors love to criticize,

She got him on the sofa where he'd gone to take a snooze
And I hope he went to heaven 'cause he wasn't wearing shoes,
Lizzie kinda rearranged him with a hatchet so they say
Then she got her mother in that same old-fashioned way!

But you can't chop your mama up in Massachusetts
Not even if you're tired of her cuisine,
No, you can't chop your mama up in Massachusetts
You know it's almost sure to cause a scene.

Well, they really kept her hoppin' on that busy afternoon
With both down- and up-stairs chopping while she hummed a ragtime tune,
They really made her hustle and when all was said and done
She'd removed her mother's bustle when she wasn't wearing one.

Oh, you can't chop your mama up in Massachusetts
And then blame all the damage on the mice,
No, you can't chop your mama up in Massachusetts
That kind of thing just isn't very nice.

Now, it wasn't done for pleasure and it wasn't done for spite,
And it wasn't done because the lady wasn't very bright...
She'd always done the slightest thing that mom and papa bid,
They said, "Lizzie, cut it out," so that's exactly what she did.

But you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
And then get dressed and go out for a walk,
No, you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York.

No, you can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts;
Shut the door, and lock and latch it, here comes Lizzie with a brand new hatchet...
Can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts,
Such a snob, I've heard it said, she met her pa and cut him dead.

You can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts,
Jump like a fish, jump like a porpoise, all join hands and habeas corpus;
Can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts,
Massachusetts is a far cry from New York