As Long as I'm Still Entertainable

I doubt that I'll ever reach a state where I think life is not worth living. Because to me, the purpose of life is to be entertained. Even if you're an entertainer, the person you are ultimately entertaining is yourself. There would be no point to being an entertainer if you didn't find entertaining others to be entertaining.

That's how humans are. That's all we're doing here. We're all just trying to be entertained. Life consists of those moments when we find ourselves entertained and all the stuff in between. The blessed life is the thoroughly entertained life.

That's why I feel sorry for the bungee jumper types. Something about them creeps me out. They're not happy unless they're jumping off some high cliff in Cyprus. It must be sad to be so hard to entertain. I hope I'm never that way. On the other hand, I also feel kind of creeped out when I see nursing home people sitting around the day room playing bingo or something. It seems like those poor folks are clawing more desperately for a nugget of entertainment than the bungee jumpers. I hope I'm never that way either.

I find a lot of things to be entertaining so hopefully that will help me handle whatever bullshit the future may hold. I don't think I'll ever be ready to give up and pull the plug until I've reached a state of utter and complete unentertainability, which means there is no entertainment left in my future. I don't think that'll happen.

What if I end up in some state of infirmity where pretty much all I do is sleep all the time? That's okay. I find sleep to be very entertaining. Sleeping is my favorite hobby. I've gotten to be really good at it.

What if I have to eat through a stomach tube? Now that's a tough one because food to me is vastly, wildly, endlessly entertaining. The prospect of never tasting food again would be pretty depressing. But it hardly seems worth killing myself over. What the hell would that prove anyway? With whom would I be getting even? And besides, even if I have to eat through a stomach tube I still might be able to drink beer. I knew a guy who drank beer through a stomach tube. He'd just fill up the feed bag with beer. And he'd get pretty buzzed. So if I could still drink beer that would expedite the feeding tube adjustment process a lot because drinking beer is highly entertaining.

What if I'm in hospice? Well, when my aunt was in hospice they gave her what they called a "comfort kit," which was a variety of painkillers. Taking those drugs seemed to provide her with some entertainment. It made me wonder what other stuff I would have in my comfort kit to entertain me if I was in hospice. I know for sure I'd include the movie Blazing Saddles. Even though I've seen that movie a million times it always cracks me up. And if I was in hospice, my hospice team would definitely include a belly dancer. I'd have her on 24-hour call in case I have an emergency need for entertainment and she can come shimmy around my sick bed.

And even if all these things cease to entertain me, I'll probably keep going anyway just to say fuck you to death.

There's got to be something entertaining about that.

--- Mike Ervin