Twelve Hits
With our new server
we are getting hits galore ---
pages from yore that for some
unaccountable reason continue to
draw in new (and old) readers.
Here are a dozen from the top
of the list.

NEW TITLES
Debt to the Bone-Eating Snotflower
"The woman in 'Radium' is unnamed, but obviously
it's Marie Curie, 'aglow with determination,'
and with Pierre, we find their
memories that glow in the dark."

The Unknown Bridesmaid
"The problem, she claims,
is when we get a child who is not a child.
She tells of children who
'do not think in a childlike way.'
They are 'mature beyond their years.'
Capable of murder."

Shortcut
"On the theory of the internet,
even if some links fail, the overall load
is distributed through multiple pathways, and
the whole structure remains greater than the hole."

Newcomb Pottery
"Josephine Louise Newcomb gave money to start
an art school so young ladies could
have something to do with their hands
to keep them from becoming
trouble-making suffragettes."

Signs and Machines
"The CD is such a kick
that I don't remember 90% of my commute,
won't unless there's some nightmare
on the highway (blowout, wreck, run out of gas).
Who's driving? Not me."

The Vegetarian Cook's Bible
"This may be greatly helpful
to someone who wants to get away from
big fat greasy pork chops drowned in molasses
and apple cider --- the way I like them --- or even worse,
those who love Oyster Rockefeller (or mountain oysters)."

Metaphysical Odyssey
Into the Mexican Revolution
"Thus, the Milky Way is like
an artery through which circulates the life which has
given birth to a great part of the Universe
and constantly renews it."

America's U-Boats
"In 1864, the Confederate navy's H. L. Hunley
launched a torpedo at the Union's
sloop-of-war the USS Housatonic.
When the torpedo exploded,
it did so with such gusto
that both vessels sank at once."

Great Reviews of the Past
Communion
"People like him always
turn up at wedding parties, don't they?
And if you listen to them for a few minutes,
you're a goner, for they'll blister your ear
if there's no one around to rescue you."

Sometimes a Great Notion
"Kesey was also famous for
crossing the United States in a mad, Day-Glo bus,
zonked on acid, a play on wheels as scripted by Tom Wolfe.
But he was much more than that ...
and the pity is that American literature
lost him to acid and foolishness
at such a tender age."

LETTERS
Consumers Report and the Upcoming
Battle with the Geezers

MORE LETTERS
I want to have a common relationship with you . . .

ARTICLES
My Life Is Ruined
"I know voice recognition technology
can still be a pain in the ass.
But I never knew
it could ruin my life."

READINGS
The Death of Poetry
"Only in Russia is poetry so respected,
it gets people killed.
Is there anywhere else where poetry is
so common a motive for murder?"

Great Readings from the Past
Mexican Buses
"My neighbour
has a live turkey hen on her lap
and the bird simply cannot help it,
she must partly sit on my lap too.
Supported on six pointed claws,
one set of them on my knee,
she digs her weight into us
and shakes herself.
Dust and lice emerge."

POETRY
Cephalopod and Star and Sea
"My right hand is a starfish,
with rough skin, an ability
to anchor itself that looks like stubbornness,
radial symmetry --- equal, opposing digits,
like contradictory beliefs ---
and a mouth in its palm."

Great Poems of the Past
Medicine Woman
"now white women come into my shop
and ask me to bless their houses
(what's wrong with them, I want to ask)
name their grandchildren
(do I know your daughters?)
blow some smoke around
say some words, do
whatever it is you do
we want someone spiritual ---
you're Indian, right?"

OUR NEWEST BOOK
The Vivisection Mambo
will be published next year.
It consists of 121 poems
from the newly discovered
Neo-Realist School,
many reviewed here
for the first time.

OUR PREVIOUS BOOK
(Still Hot Off the Press)
The Noisiest Book Review in the Known World
was published last year.
It contains 200 or so of what we believe
to be the best articles, readings, reviews and poems
from this magazine --- from our very first years to now.
Here you will find all necessary information
on ordering this two-volume set,
which recently received the Kirkus star.

THE OFFICIAL RALPH
Paradox-of-the-Month

GENERAL INDEX
All the back-issues of RALPH,
including titles of books under review,
along with author, subject, and publisher,
plus links to readings, articles, and poems
that have appeared on-line
since 1994.

A PITHY SAMPLE
of our most notorious reviews
as collected in the hard-copy
"FOLIO"

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