NEW TITLES
Hoosh
Roast Penguin, Scurvy Day, and Other Stories of Antarctic Cuisine
"Once ponies and dogs had outlived their use as pulling power,
they were essential sources of protein.
Dog was fried or smoked, even
cut up and carried along and eaten raw."

Revenge: Eleven Dark Tales
"A woman goes to a bakery to buy two strawberry shortcakes.
She explains to another customer that one is for her son.
'Today is his birthday.'
'Really? Well I hope it is a happy one. How old is he?'
'Six. He'll always be six. He's dead.'"

Mango & Mint
"During WWII,
when meat was impossible to get in Great Britain,
Marmite was the best protein substitute available.
Spread thin on bread, it becomes --- if not tasty ---
at least beloved."

The Book of Time
"and i temporary and he
was the saddest word of all
there is nothing else in the world
its not despair until time
its not even time
until it was"

Vanity Fair
"I'm afraid I will have to charge you rather a lot.
My horses are all I own in the world, you know."
"Money is no object to me, ma'am."
"That's good. Six hundred pounds."
Jos is taken aback, but promptly
reaches for his pocketbook.
"Each."

Karl Bodmer's America Revisited
"The two brought aboard
plant and animal specimens and stones ---
which the crew often threw out,
since they were the ones who
had to drag the vessel upstream against the current.
'Collecting rocks agin, eh, Prince?' they would intone
as they tossed them overboard."

New California Writing --- 2013
"Anthologies should follow form,
and not be too fat nor feckless.
They should be shaped,
but there is no evidence here
of any unity besides 'California' ---
whatever that may be.

Great Reviews of the Past
The Castle
"No wonder Kafka was such a looney-cakes ---
hanging out with blood-suckers like Brod.
It reminds us of Warren G. Harding's famous statement: "
My enemies I can handle; it's my friends
that drive me bonkers."

LETTERS
J. S. Bach and Wagner

MORE LETTERS
Rockefeller the Titan
This Bloody Life

EVEN MORE LETTERS
William Quesenbury
A Defenseless Punching Bag?

ARTICLES
The Death of Jesús
"I thought of his final declaration,
that we should not mourn
the death itself, but, rather,
the waste of it all."

Great Articles from the Past
A Petition on Behalf of
Saddam Hussein
"We suggest that the government of the United States
should step in to parcel out
an appropriate punishment for the former dictator,
utilizing the Hague Convention and
the example of previous trials of
such malefactors. "

READINGS
In the Bakery
"I'm buying them for my son. Today is his birthday."
"Really? Well, I hope it's a happy one. How old is he?"
"Six. He'll always be six. He's dead."

Eating Your Transport
"Amundsen was a hungry Norwegian epicure
for whom the dogs' corpses recalled
'memories of dishes on which the cutlets were
elegantly arranged side by side,
with paper frills on the bones,
and a neat pile of petit pois
in the middle.'"

POETRY
Survivors
"They'll soon forget their haunted nights; their cowed
Subjection to the ghosts of friends who died, ---
Their dreams that drip with murder; and they'll be proud
Of glorious war that shatter'd all their pride."

To Any Dead Officer
"Next week the bloody Roll of Honour said
'Wounded and missing' --- (That's the thing to do
When lads are left in shell-holes dying slow,
With nothing but blank sky and wounds that ache,
Moaning for water till they know
It's night, and then it's not worth while to wake!)"

OUR NEW BOOK
(Hot Off the Press)
The Noisiest Book Review in the Known World
has just been published.
It contains 200 or so of what we believe
to be the best articles, readings, reviews and poems
from this magazine from our first issue in 1995.
Here you will find all necessary information
on ordering this two-volume set
which one critic called "magic."

THE OFFICIAL RALPH
Paradox-of-the-Month

GENERAL INDEX
All the back-issues of RALPH,
including titles of books under review,
along with author, subject, and publisher,
plus links to readings, articles, and poems
that have appeared on-line
since 1994.

A PITHY SAMPLE
of our most notorious reviews
as collected in the hard-copy
"FOLIO"

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Mho & Mho Works